...And here's the bad news

At our 20 week ultrasound we were so excited to hear that we were having a baby boy.  From just weeks after we found out about him we knew that we were going to name him Thaddeus James and we felt his spirit around our family many times.  There were times when I'd panic thinking that we might have a girl because I felt so sure he was a boy.  We were relieved, excited, and even just a little scared to hear we were infact having a baby boy.

While at the ultrasound the technician mentioned that she was having a hard time getting a good visual of his heart.  She chalked it up to a bad angle and told us she was pretty sure the baby was just fine but warned us that the doctor would probably call us in for another ultrasound.  I went home only mildly concerned.  We'd had a scare with Emmaline that turned out to be nothing and I figured this would be nothing as well. 

Two days later the doctor called and said that all the doctors at the Naval hospital had looked at the ultrasound and felt there was something wrong.  She wanted me to have a higher level ultrasound (an echocardiogram) but would have me wait for 5 weeks until the baby's heart was bigger. Agony! Waiting sucks.  But then she called back the next day saying they'd taken a second look at the ultrasound and were a little more worried.  They wanted an amniocentesis right away to rule out many issues that could be connected to a heart defect. I cried.  If you don't know, amnios come with a heightened risk of miscarriage, possibly hurting the baby, etc.  Its not something you do for fun.  I was relieved to only experience a day's worth of cramping instead of bleeding, leaking or a miscarriage.  I was even more relieved as the doctor called back with reports of normal results.  My baby doesn't have any chromosomal abnormalities.

Over the next few weeks I began to put problems to the back of my mind.  Afterall, nothing felt wrong.  But the day of the ultrasound came and we went to our appointment.  It sucked.  I had to lay on my back and it hurt so bad.  I was literally bawling once I was allowed to sit up- I could barely move off the bed and literally hobbled to the car.  But while I was watching the screen, I just knew there was a problem.

See, the heart has 4 chambers.  I only saw 2.  I came home and googled all sorts of heart defects and was reading that a heart defect could literally be nothing to worry about but it could also be so bad that the baby has to have surgery within days of birth, possibly many surgeries over his first few years, to repair the issue.  I decided that I knew there was an issue but there was no way it would be on the best end of the spectrum and there was no way it would be on the worst end of the spectrum.  If I expect him to have an issue then I'll be prepared to deal with it.

The two week wait to find out the results of this test were also agony.  A week went by and I was thinking that the universe had somehow slowed down time.  But today was the day and we were finally able to meet with our doctor.  It wasn't cool that she made us wait 40 minutes passed our appointment time!  But none-the-less, we got the information we need.

Here's the deal:  Thaddeus has VSD- Ventrical Septal Defect.  That is essentially a hole in his heart between the two lower chambers.  In utero this does nothing to him. But once born, the oxygen rich blood and the oxygen poor blood will mingle through that hole and cause serious issues.  There are three levels of holes- small, medium, and large.  Small holes are rarely a problem and most close on their own before birth or shortly thereafter.  Sometimes the holes aren't ever discovered until adulthood.  Medium holes tend to close on their own or need some monitoring, occasionally a medication.  Large holes most always require surgery.  Thaddeus has a large hole in his heart.

Since I'd planned on the 'middle case scenario' I figured I'd be going off island to deliver (the military hospitals on Guam don't have the ability to handle this situation).  I figured that I'd leave sometime at about 34-36 weeks, before I can't fly any longer, and I'd probably stay for about a month after the baby is born, long enough to get clearance to bring him back home.  What I didn't expect was to leave this week.

The doctor told me that the doctor in Hawaii wants to see me ASAP to do another echocardiogram and determine exactly how big the hole in Thaddeus' heart actually is.  The doctor today actually said I'd be leaving in a few days. When she said that I asked "For how long?" and she replied "Until after you deliver".  I looked at her like she had three heads and pretty much the tears started right then.  She did amend her statement and said that they can wait to file paperwork to get me there but they can only give me a few days, so I'd be leaving in about a week.

I will be going to Trippler Army Base in Hawaii to deliver.  At the moment I don't have enough information to know if I can/should take any/all of my kids with me.  We are pretty sure that Emmaline will be staying home with Matt and we just have to figure out how to handle Gabriella and Lottie.  But since I'm still 3 months from delivery and its likely that Thaddeus will have to have surgery, I'm looking at being off the island (and therefore away from my kids and husband) for 4-6 months.  I don't know if I can be away from my kids that long. I don't know if they can be away from me that long!

Since we just heard all this news today, I don't know anything more than this.  But if you are in the area and are willing to help with babysitting, making meals for my poor husband (I won't have time to stock the freezer like I'd originally planned) or even house cleaning, we would appreciate any offers of help.  Of course, prayers for our entire family will always be welcome.  I don't know how we'll handle being apart, again, through something as big as having a baby and watching him have heart surgery.

I'll keep the blog updated with information as I get it.  Hopefully from here on out its better news!