Seeing God's hand in our lives...

If you are coming here for an update in Thaddeus, scroll down to the previous post first. While talking to my dad this morning, he pointed out a few things that prove how much the Lord is watching out for my family. Where I had thought about it, I didn't really put it all together. So I want to here. Matt went to Korea two and a half years ago. It was really hard on our family. But him going to Korea provided the opportunity for us to come here to Guam. It was a crazy impulse we had to come here, but nowhere else we thought about even seemed appealing. But within 9 months we were adopting Ganriella. At first we felt that being in Guam was a hinderance to the adoption, but after only a few months I felt impressed that it was important for us to move the adoption to Guam. Moving the adoption here was easy. We found the right lawyer, the paperwork flowed smoothly and before we even knew it was over, we had full legal custody of our daughter. It could not have, would not have worked that well had we been in Missouri. To think that the adoption was finalized only 7 days before I left the island... I really feel like God had a hand in it all along. Now that Thaddeus needs the help he does, I feel confident our time in Guam is over and I just hope we did all we were supposed to do there. And I also feel that wherever we are sent will be exactly where God needs us to be.

...and here's the worse news

I tried to upload images of the heart that the dr showed me but my iPad doesn't want to go with it. So hopefully I can explain what is going on well enough. I had two ultrasounds today. The first one was with a doctor who deals with defects inutero. After visiting with that doctor I went to my second appointment with a pediatric cardiologist. Typically that doctor works with kids after they are born, but having him on the team was important because of his extended knowledge of the infant heart. Without going into too much detail about the appointments themselves, the bottom line is that TJs defect is quite severe. TJ has a double inlet left ventrical, a hydro plastic right ventrical, a hydro plastic mitral valve and a single ventrical. The one positive that the doctor noted was that he seems to have two normal great valves. TJ will be born just fine but within a few weeks of his birth his oxygen levels will drop. This will result I difficulty eating, fast breathing, and slow growth. Depending on how well he is doing, he will need surgery by one to two months old. Then he will need two more surgeries around 3 and 6 months old. Through out his life he will always have difficulties with his heart, needing regular appointments with cardiologists. As a teenager or young adult he may need another surgery or even a pacemaker. He will never be a sports player but he will live a normal, fulfilling life. The biggest thing right now is that I will not be delivering in Hawaii. They do not have the means to take care of the baby's heart here. I have to leave here within a few weeks. We have not yet determined where I will go. Several pieces have to fall into place to decide where that will be. The last big piece of news is that we are moving. Where ever they can move us to that has a good children's hospital...we will be moving there within the next two months. The doctor seemed to think it vital that Matt be here to hear the information and help make decisions, I agree. He will be immediately flying out, being here within a week. The doctor also doesn't think I should be taking the two girls with me, so Matt will take them home with him. Hopefully he can get the house packed up and moved easily and quickly. I know we will need to be together as a family over the next few months. Because of the sudden change in plans (again...), we need to sell our cars, a few other items around the property, get babysitting for Emmaline for nine days while Matt is here,and we have a lot of talking to do. Fun fun fun. Please don't worry about TJ. I know he is perfectly fine right now and once he is born he will have some of the best care the military has. Prayers are always welcome, as well as meals and babysitting for my family.

Adoption and Journals

Gabriella Lynn

Thursday, July 19 will go down in history in our family.  We went for Gabriella's placement hearing, which turned out to be the finalization of her adoption instead!  Don't ask how I completly misunderstood, I still don't really know.  But everything legal is done and over with and Gabriella is now ours!  We'll be getting the paperwork done for her name change as soon as the paperwork circuits through the courts and makes its way back to us! 

I snapped this picture in the parking lot on the way to our car.  At that point we were still letting it sink in that everything was over. 

Emmaline Lucille

The fact that I have to go off island to have the baby and the fact that I can't take Emmaline with me are sinking in.  Today I found this paper that she wrote during rest time.  She'd requested a pencil, grabbed paper and wrote this all without me asking her too or asking how to spell anything. 

Where I'm really proud of her, I also feel sad that our leaving has warrented her writting about us.  It must be hitting her hard.

It says " I love you too but I am not feeling well but I write well".  And the flip side says "I am a big sis  My mommy has my sisters but my dad has me [when] my sisters leave".

I have cried every day about leaving her behind but the more Matt and I talk about the situation the more we realize that her staying here really is the best option for everyone involved.  She may not have me around, but she will get her dad's undivided attention, which I'm hoping will make up for my absence. 

...And here's the bad news

At our 20 week ultrasound we were so excited to hear that we were having a baby boy.  From just weeks after we found out about him we knew that we were going to name him Thaddeus James and we felt his spirit around our family many times.  There were times when I'd panic thinking that we might have a girl because I felt so sure he was a boy.  We were relieved, excited, and even just a little scared to hear we were infact having a baby boy.

While at the ultrasound the technician mentioned that she was having a hard time getting a good visual of his heart.  She chalked it up to a bad angle and told us she was pretty sure the baby was just fine but warned us that the doctor would probably call us in for another ultrasound.  I went home only mildly concerned.  We'd had a scare with Emmaline that turned out to be nothing and I figured this would be nothing as well. 

Two days later the doctor called and said that all the doctors at the Naval hospital had looked at the ultrasound and felt there was something wrong.  She wanted me to have a higher level ultrasound (an echocardiogram) but would have me wait for 5 weeks until the baby's heart was bigger. Agony! Waiting sucks.  But then she called back the next day saying they'd taken a second look at the ultrasound and were a little more worried.  They wanted an amniocentesis right away to rule out many issues that could be connected to a heart defect. I cried.  If you don't know, amnios come with a heightened risk of miscarriage, possibly hurting the baby, etc.  Its not something you do for fun.  I was relieved to only experience a day's worth of cramping instead of bleeding, leaking or a miscarriage.  I was even more relieved as the doctor called back with reports of normal results.  My baby doesn't have any chromosomal abnormalities.

Over the next few weeks I began to put problems to the back of my mind.  Afterall, nothing felt wrong.  But the day of the ultrasound came and we went to our appointment.  It sucked.  I had to lay on my back and it hurt so bad.  I was literally bawling once I was allowed to sit up- I could barely move off the bed and literally hobbled to the car.  But while I was watching the screen, I just knew there was a problem.

See, the heart has 4 chambers.  I only saw 2.  I came home and googled all sorts of heart defects and was reading that a heart defect could literally be nothing to worry about but it could also be so bad that the baby has to have surgery within days of birth, possibly many surgeries over his first few years, to repair the issue.  I decided that I knew there was an issue but there was no way it would be on the best end of the spectrum and there was no way it would be on the worst end of the spectrum.  If I expect him to have an issue then I'll be prepared to deal with it.

The two week wait to find out the results of this test were also agony.  A week went by and I was thinking that the universe had somehow slowed down time.  But today was the day and we were finally able to meet with our doctor.  It wasn't cool that she made us wait 40 minutes passed our appointment time!  But none-the-less, we got the information we need.

Here's the deal:  Thaddeus has VSD- Ventrical Septal Defect.  That is essentially a hole in his heart between the two lower chambers.  In utero this does nothing to him. But once born, the oxygen rich blood and the oxygen poor blood will mingle through that hole and cause serious issues.  There are three levels of holes- small, medium, and large.  Small holes are rarely a problem and most close on their own before birth or shortly thereafter.  Sometimes the holes aren't ever discovered until adulthood.  Medium holes tend to close on their own or need some monitoring, occasionally a medication.  Large holes most always require surgery.  Thaddeus has a large hole in his heart.

Since I'd planned on the 'middle case scenario' I figured I'd be going off island to deliver (the military hospitals on Guam don't have the ability to handle this situation).  I figured that I'd leave sometime at about 34-36 weeks, before I can't fly any longer, and I'd probably stay for about a month after the baby is born, long enough to get clearance to bring him back home.  What I didn't expect was to leave this week.

The doctor told me that the doctor in Hawaii wants to see me ASAP to do another echocardiogram and determine exactly how big the hole in Thaddeus' heart actually is.  The doctor today actually said I'd be leaving in a few days. When she said that I asked "For how long?" and she replied "Until after you deliver".  I looked at her like she had three heads and pretty much the tears started right then.  She did amend her statement and said that they can wait to file paperwork to get me there but they can only give me a few days, so I'd be leaving in about a week.

I will be going to Trippler Army Base in Hawaii to deliver.  At the moment I don't have enough information to know if I can/should take any/all of my kids with me.  We are pretty sure that Emmaline will be staying home with Matt and we just have to figure out how to handle Gabriella and Lottie.  But since I'm still 3 months from delivery and its likely that Thaddeus will have to have surgery, I'm looking at being off the island (and therefore away from my kids and husband) for 4-6 months.  I don't know if I can be away from my kids that long. I don't know if they can be away from me that long!

Since we just heard all this news today, I don't know anything more than this.  But if you are in the area and are willing to help with babysitting, making meals for my poor husband (I won't have time to stock the freezer like I'd originally planned) or even house cleaning, we would appreciate any offers of help.  Of course, prayers for our entire family will always be welcome.  I don't know how we'll handle being apart, again, through something as big as having a baby and watching him have heart surgery.

I'll keep the blog updated with information as I get it.  Hopefully from here on out its better news!

Gabriella's First Birthday

Happy Birthday Ella!

Gabriella turned 1 in June and I completely spaced putting her birthday pictures up.  Sorry!

Gabriella enjoyed her chocolate cake with chocolate icing.  Oddly enough, she is the first of my three children to actually have a chocolate cake on her first birthday.  Much easier to see chocolate frosting than white or strawberry frosting! Lol

Messy Messy Face!

 For her birthday, she got a 3 little pigs play set, some tumble balls, and a book. This little girly is spoiled compared to the first two!

 A year ago, Ella was still living with her birth mom. We'd learned of her birth and that she was healthy and strong.  Her birth mom wrote an email to me later saying this about her first few days/weeks:

"Her birth weight was 8lbs, 11oz, but dropped down to 7lbs, 15oz by Monday and the doctors were worried about the amount because it was more than the 10% that should have been max weight lost and because she hadn't started gaining yet. On Monday, the lactation consultant came in and had me weigh her on a very precise scale, then feed her, and weigh her again just to get the weight of the milk she took in (it wasn't much). By the next morning she had started to gain (like 1/2 and ounce) so they felt confident my milk had come in and she was again gaining weight and okay to go home. I ended up staying in the hospital the full 4 days (mostly to get my rest) and I'm glad I did so that we could be confident that she was on the road to gaining weight. We saw Dr. Oswald on Wednesday to make sure that she was in fact gaining weight. Dr. O wasn't worried at that point and declared her to be quite healthy. She did however recommend shots for whooping cough because it had been going around.

After she came home, I slept on the couch for the first two weeks with her on my chest. She and I just cuddled. The night didn't start that way- I just ended up on the couch from about 1:30am until 3am. That would get us through a good feeding (and I would sleep some too). Then during the day, I would hang out on the couch a bunch too, making sure she had plenty to eat. Besides eating, she really enjoyed sleeping all bundled up in her swing."

 

Ella didn't come to our family until August 5, when she was almost 2 months old.  I suppose we'll do something to celebrate that day as well.  But I'm so grateful that she came to our family. She has been such a blessing to us and we couldn't be happier with her! 

 

Right now she's focusing on learning to walk.  She has improved so much in the last month.  She started taking her first steps right around her birthday but hasn't really gotten to walking until this last week or so.  She's walked 17 steps at one time before giving up and crawling.  Crawling is still her preferred method of movement though.  She has figured out how to push herself to standing in two different ways, which shocked us to watch! I thought it would take a little longer for her to figure that out. 

 

I can't wait to see what else my beautiful girl learns this next year!